THE PERFECT SUPER-HERO FILM OF ALL TIME

Peter David, writer of stuff

I have finally seen the first absolutely perfect costumed super-hero film. It is called Darkman. And what makes it perfect is the last line.

Now let me make it clear here: “Perfect” is not, in this instance, to be considered synonymous with “good.” Or “quality.” “Perfect” is not defined herein as “in a state of undiminished or highest excellence.” No, I’m speaking of my directory’s first definition: “Complete of its nature or kind.”

The nature of this kind of movie is standard super-hero comic book. Other films have come close– but they haven’t had everything. They haven’t been complete. Somewhere, in some aspect or other, they’ve been lacking.

What’s ironic, of course, is that Darkman is not based on any specific comic-book hero, although he’s pretty much a combo of The Shadow and The Avenger, both from pulps, with Swamp Thing’s origin thrown in for good measure, to wit: A scientist runs afoul of some bad guys and gets himself and his lab blown up. However, due to a homegrown skin project he’s got cooking, he’s able to reconstruct faces, including the bad guys’ and his own. Swathing his face in bandages and a coat and hat Lamont Cranston left sitting around, he seeks vengeance. No specific hero, but an agglommeration.

Because of that, Darkman is the first film, as I have said, to feature absolutely everything you find in your standard comic book. Everything. Even including the last line.

I will endeavor not to blow any major plot points along the way, but if you’re skittish about this sort of thing and intend to see the film, then stop here; otherwise, onward:

Darkman features all of the following, whereas other super-hero or comic-book films have featured only some:

• Constant Movement without Regard to Dramatic Pacing. Standard comics must have something happening every single page, i.e., someone’s getting hit, someone’s in jeopardy, or someone’s in motion. Exposition is usually given on the run. Talking heads are anathema. In Darkman, either the plot is barreling forward with the speed of a freight train, or else the camera is. Sam Raimi, who came up with what can laughingly be referred to as the story, also directed as if he’d been taking No-Doz and washing it down with jolt.

Batman, Turtles, and most others feature some great action sequences, but there are also long moments when absolutely nothing is happening. Ain’t no butlers reminiscing about young master Bruce in this film, baby. Only RoboCop matches Darkman for sheer kinetic lunacy.

• Villains Who Are Evil Because They’re Villains. Darkman comes dangerously close to blowing it on this with a real estate-developer villain who actually tries to explain himself. Fortunately, though, there’s Larry Drake of L.A. Law present to more than make up for it. You think Benny Stolwitz has men- tal problems? You should see the nut Drake plays in this one. Drake’s villain is relentlessly sadistic, right down to his hobbies. He’s nasty and nauseating because he’s nasty and nauseating. All his henchmen are, also.

Superman missed the boat on this with Luthor, as did Batman with The joker– in both cases, they lire much too much style. We find ourselves drawn to them. How many people came out of Batman saving that The joker was the better role? Everybody. Drake’s character exists only to be a bastard. We know nothing about his background, nothing of his family, nothing of what made him the way he is. He’s there to do hideous things and get clobbered by Darkman.

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